There is no other time in the year when I think about the stupidity of mankind more than in the month of January. It is almost too cliché to even write about how the gyms fill up in the New Year and the diet books sell like crazy…for one month any way. I am tempted to use stronger language to express my frustration at this weakness, this shortsightedness…but I will refrain, since I myself fall into this craze. I wonder if there is even one person on earth who has ever kept a New Year’s resolution for an entire year? If you have ever done this, props to you.
The thing is that consistency and resolution are not exactly human virtues. In fact, they go against the very grain of our sin nature. And yet, there is something within that wants it and so we, in our feebleness and brokenness, reach and try to at least look as though we are intending to do a good thing.
One thing I have been trying to incorporate into my life right now is a tiny bit of reading. I know I am not an avid reader and probably never will be, but I do know that reading is a beneficial practice in life. I have been reading two little books by Andrew Murray for the past week or two. He is one of my favorite authors and I thought that perhaps he would inspire me to go deeper in my times of prayer and relationship with God, which, to be honest have been extremely stale these past month or so… One theme that I enjoy in Andrew Murray’s writing is the theme of sitting in God’s presence.
About two weeks ago, I felt like God gave me an idea: to challenge my small group at church via email to sit in God’s presence for 20 minutes every day. I told my friend about it and she nodded her head in agreement that this was a good idea. But did I ever email my group? No, I did not. I tried to motivate myself to but to be honest, I didn’t know if I would be able to commit to it and the last thing that I wanted to do was to email my group and then not do it wholeheartedly myself. So instead I decided to do it on my own and see how it went before involving others.
I think sitting in God’s presence is probably one of the hardest things to do as Americans. We are the most distractible of all people. We don’t know how to sit. The only reason we sit is in order to do something: to type, to write, to read, to play games on our phones, to talk on the phone, to text, to eat or even to do all of these things at one time…We have lost the art of sitting and we need to find it again.
I have found that when I sit to listen to God, it usually takes about 5 minutes of what feels like torture to quiet my mind. It is the most unnatural thing to sit and not do. I just don’t like it. But there are few things that bond my heart to God better than when I let him infiltrate the synapses of my brain, the beat of my heart, the thoughts- evil and otherwise- of my mind… He can only break me into this space of closeness with him through extreme discipline. To be honest, I do not do this enough. I don’t think any of us do. But when he breaks through to my thoughts and comes near, there is nothing more worthwhile, nothing more satisfying… That is how it has been for me this week. God has been breaking through my worries, my stress, my lack of stillness and meeting me in a wonderful way. It’s the most amazing thing. I know that I cannot reach God in this way on my own. He must come near. But I also think that if I hadn’t taken the time this week to sit, I don’t think I would have experienced God’s nearness in the same way.
Can you imagine how different our character, our words, our relationships would look if we all did this for a chunk of time each day? I wish I could say this is my New Year’s resolution, but I know that if it was, I would only break it. And so, my prayer is that God will continue to prompt my heart towards stillness in this new year, so that I can soak up his goodness, his words, his deep and brilliant purity.
I am just as guilty of inconsistency and lack of discipline as anyone, but I think to give up is not an option. I will keep trying and making time with God a priority. But as my father so often says, “A priority without a plan is just a good intention…”
