Sometimes figuring out how to ‘keep up’ in social situations is difficult, especially if you don’t have a particularly outgoing personality. Even for those who do have that type of personality, I’m sure you know what I mean. Some situations are harder than others—depending on the group dynamic.
Harder still is figuring out to how function socially when you are feeling sick. Let’s say a normal person has like 100 bars of energy for a week. And let’s say 60 bars go to work and basic functioning. That still leaves 40 bars (40%) of the week’s energy left for the weekend: plenty for a movie, a 10k run, three hang outs with friends, church, and a Sunday evening movie and wine night… It works out pretty well for the healthy person. They use their energy during the day and renew their ‘bars’ at night with sleep. It’s a good system…
For those of us battling chronic illnesses, energy looks a little different. Every week we are given a varying amount of energy ‘bars’, making life and social plans difficult to figure. Maybe some weeks we are given a good 60 bars- which is quite decent, all things considered. Other weeks are ‘40 bars weeks’ or worse, 10. On those weeks, you have to simply have to make cuts.
Sometimes, I feel as though I’m constantly calculating figures in my mind, trying to figure how many ‘bars’ I have left and what do with them. During the week, I find myself asking questions like: Should I keep my house clean or should I save that energy to welcome my husband when he gets home? Should I cook dinner or save my energy to be with my family? Should I drive today or save that energy to get things done around the house?
On the weekends, the questions get more difficult, for that is when most of the social situations arise. I feel so often that I lie to myself, telling myself that I have more ‘bars’ left than I truly do. This is not unlike telling yourself that your car has a quarter tank, when that little red light is flashing at you. It doesn’t matter what you believe you have left, it matters what’s actually in the tank.
And that is where I find myself so often—staring at that little red flashing light, while still ten miles from my destination.
5 comments:
Bree. I live this with u every day....there is such crazy making in the not knowing how many bars u will hv that day. I experience shades of this with my fm. So kudos to u for quantifying that! Reading ur blog is inspiring me to do some writing myself. Often I don't know whAt I am thinkn til I write it. L engle wd say that her writing informs her...ljy
Bree. I live this with u every day....there is such crazy making in the not knowing how many bars u will hv that day. I experience shades of this with my fm. So kudos to u for quantifying that! Reading ur blog is inspiring me to do some writing myself. Often I don't know whAt I am thinkn til I write it. L engle wd say that her writing informs her...ljy
You definitely should do some writing! Yes, my writing often does teach me things I didn't realize before I they came out on paper...It's kind of like magic! or therapy :)
I love the visual quantifying of energy in bars.
Yes, it's been a helpful metaphor for me to quantify something so intangible.
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