Hello again.

After many months of silence on my Railroad Tracks blog, I am poking my head out to say hello .  My silence was not due to a lack of desire to write, but rather a business of writing elsewhere.  I've been working on a manuscript (yes, even in sickness, you can accomplish!) and living life as best as I can.

Today, I am pondering the idea of labels and their effect on our psyche.  A friend of mine noticed that I use the word 'sick' to describe myself often.  It is a defense mechanism of sorts-- a way to explain my lack of working to the world around me.  Because I don't look particularly ill, most people find me kind of a mystery.  (You look fine.  You talk and laugh and hang out like everyone else.  Why don't you work?  What's wrong with you?)  I've found that being outside the normal realm of people who work and lead energetic and busy lives, leaves me needing a category.  On a side note, I was filling out a form the other day that had three check-boxes: full-time student, work, and one other...can't remember.  I found myself staring and it going...nope. nope. nope.  I guess I don't check anywhere.)

And so, in my attempt to explain to the world my condition without really getting into the specifics, I say "I am sick."  I guess I figure that if I say sick, they will think of having the flu or a cold, which is quite miserable and something they have experienced.  Then, in understanding they will nod their heads and say, 'yes, I understand.'  While my condition does not necessarily feel like having a cold or flu all the time, it is the closest most people can relate to my condition.  It is the easy way out of explaning the complexity of the mental and physical implications of having Lyme Disease.

And yet, my friend challenged me the other day...She asked me if my labels are getting in the way of my striving towards healing and viewing myself as healthy.  I didn't think so.  At least not at the moment.  However, I'm conceding to the possibility that perhaps labeling myself as sick (though accurate) might not always be the most healthy way to relate to the people around me, who strive to help me back to health.